Today at work...
I spilled orchetta pasta sauce all over a fat mans lap. After I apologized, he looked me in the eyes and said “Take this back.” I replied “You don’t want it?” He responded “Not anymore. Now I’m just going to wear it.” I was slightly taken aback. Shocked, I looked at him and said “Sorry Sir, Can I get you anything else? Please, Its on...
conormckeon: pepper | butthole surfers
Anonymous asked: You're a dick.
GARY COLEMAN RIP
R.I.P. Gary Coleman (Really Inferior Penis)….Gary Coleman died from SBS (shaken baby syndrome) … Gary Coleman’s memorial service will be held at 11pm on Nick@Night immediately following Threes Company … Coincidentally the memorial service will be called Threes Company because only 3 people are expected to be in attendance… Paramedics would have been able to get to...
Gary Coleman is dead. Apparently Willis was... →
caseydonahue: Kanye West - Power Casey is on...
This is what my blog is named after.
I am trying to write a Mcsweenys article… Considering I don’t have anything to do today, I have set aside 14 hours to write it. Hope all goes well.
jakeandamir: Rubik’s Cube Top Ten
Proud to say that since I have been home I have learned how to count cards (Las Vegas, TNT), I have gotten a better understanding of New York State laws (Law & Order, USA), and figured out that Cold Case is a deplorable excuse for a television show (Cold Case, TNT)
conormckeon: mikekarnell: i be on that -...
I just watched as someone unfollowed me...
72 followers…refresh….71 followers. ouch.
Another Mother's Day Without My Mother
As I sit in my dorm room during finals week I realize that this has been the second year in a row that I have had the privilege of spending Mother’s Day away at college while my family foolishly tries to please my mother (not like that Freud!) by giving her a bottle of Mariah Carey’s new scent and some burnt toast at 7am. I was not there when breakfast in bed is ruined because the dog jumped on...
I had 35 followers on Friday… Welcome friends. This blog wont disappoint.
Im studying for a big final at 8:30 tomorrow...
My roommate (not alex watt) has been talking obnoxiously loud to his GF for the past 2 hours and just stopped. When he was done he jumped up in his bed and said “hey pat, can you shut the light off?” are you fucking kidding me. No roommate I cant cause I’m studying and I fucking need the light you inconsiderate fuck.
Well...Now that this CollegeHumor article... →
jakeandamirgifs asked: Wow! You wrote the Cartoon University article?! That was hilarious! I especially love the Spongebob one and the Powerpuff Girls one.
A New Mix...Vampire Weekend Starts It Off, Daft... →
Evidence that the internet is 100% "in on it."
alexwatt: The first two songs played by Pandora after I realizing I didn’t save the paper I had been working on for hours were “Just Like Starting Over” by John Lennon and “Helpless” by Neil Young. Totally agree. I just put on my Pandora and the first two songs were “Loser” by Beck and “Go To Sleep You Stupid Fucking Idiot” By Insane Clown Posse.
strawberrywhine: this is what i want my life to...